The blue lines on the pregnancy test appeared within seconds to form a bright, blue cross: we’d never done this before, but we knew exactly how to read it. I waved the stick with glee at my husband: “Positive! We’re pregnant,” I squealed. I looked down at the test again: our family was definitively plus…
I keep thinking about bodies lately. My own as I pick something I can control, scrubbing my kitchen floor furiously, convinced that keeping it clean can fix things, change things, make things better. I think about my mother-in-law Nancy’s body, beginning its swift descent back to the earth. I think about what it means to…
Trail of rain pulls down the sky like tufts of seagrass before a storm. A shift in water’s hues—silver to steel to aqua. Drops fall through tree branches, splattering my porch roof, the yard. I tuck my arms into my sweatshirt, huddle my body warmth as close as possible. This is the underside of autumn,…
I woke to a beautiful scene outside my window—a quintessential New England winter day complete with snow-covered trees and a gentle hush of peace. I lay there a moment, welcoming the peace as it seeped into my weary bones. Grabbing the warmest sweatshirt I could find, I stepped around furniture not yet nestled in its…
I had left the room for a few minutes when my mother died. It was 1999, and I was a young mom with three little boys—a young mom who desperately needed the help and support of her mother. But that’s not the way things worked out. At just 58 years of age, my mother’s life…
I was stuck. In the most giving season of my life—raising teenage children, caring for my mother with Alzheimer’s in my home—I was stuck. Wedged in a pit of self. Patience wore like a thin wall. Anger ignited like a wildfire. Sleep eluded like a shadow. My teenage children labeled it “The Dark Ages.” The…
Nature doesn’t always wait for us to hand over our toys. Sometimes, she takes them away without our permission. When I was 16, I memorized a poem that struck me even then with its poignant truth about the cycle of life. In his poem “Nature,” Henry Wadsworth Longfellow (1807-1882) compares nature to a loving mother…
The red light on our answering machine blinked. We had just returned home from an evening children’s Christmas program, joyful in the spirit of the holiday. But my mood suddenly changed when I pressed the button on the machine and heard my mother’s voice, “We had to take Dad to the hospital. It looks serious….
I looked down at her hands, worn by so many years of labor. They seemed mostly of bone now, the fat and muscle mostly gone and the skin like a rag, twisted and stretched until it can never return to its original form. And, yet, they were beautiful to me. I spent much time looking…
I sat at my laptop, thinking about the many ways I’ve changed by looking at the world through cultural lenses. One thing’s for sure: I couldn’t remain the same. I’ve experienced love from people who valued relationship over agenda, who wouldn’t hesitate to give up their plans for the day to spend time with me….
Five years ago, I called a 302 on my son. A 302 indicates to the police that someone is either a harm to himself or others. It allows the authorities to search for him and admit him for evaluation though he might not be in possession of drugs or even doing anything particularly illegal. Police…
“We were filled with laughter, and we sang for joy. And the other nations said, ‘What amazing things the Lord has done for them.’ Yes, the Lord has done amazing things for us! What joy! Restore our fortunes, Lord, as streams renew the desert. Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy….
As I awoke on a sunny spring day in May, my mind felt cluttered. Deadlines loomed for my daughter’s home school materials to be completed in time for graduation. Paperwork still needed to be completed for submission to two different colleges. My father’s health issues demanded my attention and energy. Of course, the day to…
I am not funny. No one would ever describe me as “the girl who makes people laugh.” Yet, as an aspiring actress, I would often be cast in these whimsical roles. Not as Sandy in Grease, but “Jan” the Twinkie eating friend who makes everyone laugh. In college, as an overly self-assured Junior, I was…