“I want to keep it handy in case I need it,” she said, matter-of-factly.
She wasn’t talking about a flashlight.
Not a package of tissues.
Not a cell phone—they hadn’t been invented in 1978.
She was talking about Isaiah 55.
“I liked it,” she went on. “So I memorized it.”
“Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.
Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and you will delight in the richest of fare.”
The words poured from her lips, because they were, indeed, handy, and although the pale yellow V.W. Rabbit continued on its way south down Route 1, I had been stopped in my tracks at the miracle of memorization. My friend had captured for herself the treasure of 13 verses of exquisite beauty and stunning promises—mountains and hills bursting into song and trees clapping their hands—all for the LORD’s glory and renown.
There is no way she could have known that my view of Scripture would be forever changed on that bumpy pot-holed ride, for I saw clearly that, in my friend’s mind, the Words of God were a banquet, and she would have devoured them all given the time and opportunity.
And this is the power and the gift of friendship: when hearts collide, lives are altered. Fortunately, some astute authors have noticed this almost chemical reaction and have put their observations and insights into the pages of books.
Fiction lovers will delight in following a four-way spiritual journey among friends in the Sensible Shoes series by Sharon Garlough Brown. Speaking truth into each other’s lives through personal crises, the four protagonists adopted habits of holiness and embarked on individual spiritual journeys that were enhanced by coming together. It turns out that life-on-life interaction can be the sandpaper of God’s choosing to bring about the miracle of Ephesians 3:1 “…that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith, as you are being rooted and grounded in love.”
Can You See Anything Now? is another work of fiction that spotlights the importance of friendship. It’s a complicated read, but perhaps the reason it won Christianity Today’s 2018 award for fiction is the church’s great need for stories that do not require a happy ending to be redemptive. From a white Cracker Barrel rocking chair set on her front porch, Etta Wallace observes the comings and goings of the quiet community of Trinity. Prescribing banana bread and Crock-Pot dinners, she serves up grace in the evangelical tradition. Author Katherine James crafted Etta with a friendship mantra that resonates in our lonely world: “Do the opposite.”
“… when people are struggling, it seemed to Etta, the people around them run away—embarrassed, uncomfortable. She would do the opposite and introduce herself.”
“Doing the opposite” is a practice of holy rebellion, and Sally Clarkson (having moved 17 times!) has had to lean hard into the discipline of making those connections. Girls’ Club: Cultivating Lasting Friendship in a Lonely World is her record of resisting isolation and embracing routines of community building centered around large mugs of strong, hot tea and a welcoming table. It is her instruction manual in the art and science of cultivating deep and lasting friendships.
From time to time, we all need to hear the words, “I think you have it in you to be brave.” We need permission to make friendship a priority we can choose amidst the demands of life. And certainly, we should not sit in our solitary chair and wait for friendship to strike like lightning.
What seedling of friendship is already sprouting, unnoticed in your world?
“Usually friendship grows over time when planted in the soil of life, grown over seasons, and watered with love so it can flourish in the sunshine of life shared.”
Being seen and valued by a friend who was always present, always caring, set Janice Peterson on a course to be that person for others, to live given, and to love well. In Becoming Gertrude, Peterson remembers lemonade on the porch and shares her deep conviction that friendships can be life altering in all the best ways. Ministering alongside her husband, author and pastor Eugene Peterson, Janice seized the opportunities that her role as a pastor’s wife provided for investing in relationships. With rich insights from Romans 12, she has distilled for her readers a rich brew of caring, acceptance, service, hospitality, and encouragement that allows us to become a gift to each other as we drink deeply and then take note of the people God has placed right in front of our eyes.
Taking aim against our cultural tendency toward privacy and independence, Leslie Verner provides scriptural evidence that we have been Invited into relationship with God and into community with his people. Therefore, we are empowered for an intentional practice of hospitality as an open door to meaningful relationships. Jesus modeled an open-hearted practice of welcome, insisting that our “neighbor” (and therefore our friend!) could be just about anyone. Living like “invited ones” ourselves, we take the initiative in a practice of missional hospitality and purposeful cultivation of friendships.
Unfortunately, in our virtual world, we can swipe away friends as easily as we send leftover mashed potatoes into the kitchen trash. In Never Unfriended, Lisa-Jo Baker floats the notion that maybe our struggles with friendship happen because we are operating from wrong assumptions in the foundation of our thinking about relationships. We carry baggage from bad past experiences forward as if they were gospel, and we encumber our people with unrealistic expectations. We talk when we should listen, and we fret about our own small selves when friendship demands that we keep our eyes open wide to spot the needs of other women in the room.
Thanks be to God! We are all friends-in-training together until we reach heaven. In the meantime, we live our way into our best relational selves and seek to fulfill our God-breathed desire for community in ways that glorify him and serve others. Our reading choices can move us, by grace, in that direction.
Love your book reviews, Michele! Oh the wisdom and challenge of a good book.
Hi, Afton! I’m delighted to be able to share good reading material with friends!
Great list of books highlighting friendship! Always love finding new books to add to my TBR list!
Oh, those TBR lists just keep on growing!
Wow! What a great list! I love books on friendship! Friends are so important to have in our lives. We can learn so much as we Journey with them. I think that the Lord uses all of our relationships to teach us and grow us! I am definitely adding some of these to my TBR list. Thanks so much!
I’ve been so grateful for the long-term friends–the ones who knew me when I was a gnarly 20-something with an axe to grind, but stuck with me through all the neglect of my thirties when I was having babies, and then have loved on my kids for the past twenty years. There’s all that history behind every conversation. Only God could have orchestrated such a great gift.
What a perfect time of year to share books about friendship with us. Like you, I have forever changed (for the better) by my friendships. These books would make wonderful holiday gifts! Thank you, Michele.
Friendship is the gift we give and receive so much more from–which is, I suppose, the reward for taking the risk of being known well by another soul. It’s always good to hear from you, Laurie.
Thanks Michele for these book recommendations for friends in training. I think friendship is built over time, just like other relationships and needs to be tended just like your gardens, and preserved, just like your canning. Thankful to call you a friend.
What incredible word pictures, Abby–you’re speaking my love language here, as you well know!
Thank you so much for these timely reviews for Christmas ideas for my girlfriends! 🌹
~Dg
I’m always on the lookout for gift ideas at this time of year!
Glad you found some helpful leads here.
These books all sound so good! For friends in training, I might also recommend Shelter of the Most High by Connilyn Cossette.
Wow, Aryn, thanks for bringing another friendship book to the conversation!
Oh, that we would realize that what we truly desires is to be loved and known by the Father. Satan has convinced too many that we need more than a relationship with Him. When we have a true relationship with Him, somehow everything else falls into place.
Great point, Mandy. Maybe some of the struggle we experience with friendship is a tendency to expect from our friends what only God can provide.
Love this, Michele!
Sharing it even as we speak!
That’s a gift, Linda!
And so is your virtual friendship in this crazy writing life.
These do look like good resources, in a variety of styles. I love the story of your friend and the impact her words and practice were. Sometimes we have the biggest impact when we don’t realize it and aren’t necessarily trying to.
Exactly!
There are things I do in my kitchen, little routines or methods, that I unconsciously absorbed by sitting with her in her busy kitchen over 40 years ago. She had a huge influence just by living a faithful life and welcoming me into it.
Michele,
What if ALL “friends-in-training” approached God’s Word like a banquet table like your friend? I’ve read “Never Unfriended,” but will have to look into the other books as good friendship training manuals.
Blessings,
Bev xx
The principles in Never Unfriended are so practical and even startling at times. I hope you find the others to be helpful. And I especially hope readers get to enjoy some of the good fiction recommendations during the Christmas holiday.
A good story and mug of something hot…
Perfect!
Great post, my friend! Your reviews always add to my list AND you have convinced me to memorize that passage you quoted. Love it! Somehow it read differently in the midst of your post😊
I come back to this passage all the time, and even had the joy of using it in my teaching earlier this year. The whole chapter is just rich with good teaching for the following life.
Friendship is a great topic we’d do well to learn more about! Becoming Gertrude is the one that most catches my attention!
Thanks for these recommendations, Michele. I liked reading Sensible shoes. Many blessings to you!
So glad you got to read that great book! I’ve finished book 2 and can’t wait to read the rest of the series.
And Sharon Garlough Brown has written another book that pulls some of the original characters in, but is new material covering issues of mental health and recovery. EXCELLENT!
It’s not hard for me to picture you with a pitcher of lemonade and a smile for someone who needs it, Betsy.
The fact that Janice is Eugene Peterson’s wife drew me to the book, but she and the book definitely stand on their own merit as valuable resources. (Would love to have 20 minutes with her over coffee!)
Looking up two of these books. And yes to Lisa Jo Baker’s book. Maybe “we are operating from wrong assumptions in the foundation of our thinking about relationships.”
I enjoyed the “Sensible Shoes” series so much. They were so relevant in allowing vulnerability and surrender in relationships not only with friends, but with God. Thanks for the other recommendations. They are on my TBR list now!
It’s always a great gift when I can add to someone’s reading list.
Hope you get plenty of reading time in the coming months!
I thought Lisa Jo’s very strategic approach to friendship was counter-intuitive and yet spot on. I think we sometimes get the idea that friendship will strike like lightening and we become very passive in our initiating and maintaining of valuable relationships.
What a great list to compile, Michele. Sometimes friendships come easy to us, but other times they don’t. We need to know how to navigate both scenarios. These books look helpful.
It’s kind of ironic for me to be writing so much about friendship in 2019. I admit that I’m not very good at it, so God must have me in a training mode on this topic!
These sound like lovely books!
I was very happy to share them here! Thanks for reading!
I can use all the help I can on being and finding a good friend, Michele. Thanks for sharing about these great resources! Maybe some that I might buy for gifts this year too!
IMHO, books make the best gifts.
And, like you, I need lots of help with becoming a better friend.
Blessings to you, Beth!
Friends in training. Love that phrase. Thanks for the recommendations, Michele.
Well, it certainly fits me!
I think we have a tendency to write about the things we’re struggling with, the areas in which we hope to improve–at least that’s my hope in this topic!
Michele, I love how you selected both fiction and non-fiction, and you found timeless lessons in each book. Friendships truly come in every shape and size. And we learn in each relationship we invest ourselves into, don’t we?
Being a fiction lover, Sensible Shoes really caught my eye. 🙂
I led a book club last summer based on the first book of the Sensible Shoes series, and it was just amazing to me how the reading and the discussion drew us together. We all grew in so many ways, and the second book is also really good. I’m hoping for some great fiction reading time over Christmas break…
Love that story, Michele about the pot holed friendship wonder! Love it. Will share since I’m prepping a BS on mentoring and one of the tools is Bible memory! xoxo Happy Thanksgiving!
There’s nothing quite like the accountability of taking on spiritual disciplines in the company of a friend. I have on sweet friend with whom I have read Scripture on the same schedule for well over a decade. We hold one another accountable and try to discuss what we’re reading, even though retirement has taken her far away, geographically. We’re still very close in spirit.
I’m a bit late reading the November issue, but I love your book reviews. They are always well done and I wish I could read them all. Thanks for this one on friendship. Having moved many times as a Pastor’s wife, it’s hard for an introvert to make and hold good friendships.
Thank you!
I’ve never been a PW, but I totally understand the plight of the introvert. Sometimes, it just seems as if friendship is SO much risk to begin, and then SO much work to maintain. We have to be totally trusting of God’s view of the importance of relationship to our growth.
Thanks for recommendations. A big fan of your books reviews. I just love the way you find a timeless lesson in every read. Keep up the good work.