I will never write about theology. Unless you are looking for a theology that includes a messy, confused, always questioning girl who never went to seminary then I am your girl. Otherwise you probably will never see me published in anything that intellectual people read.
I admit there are times I go through an “I will never be good enough” as a writer phase. But after I eat a few cookies and watch some trash TV I realize that I don’t want to be that writer. I don’t want to write about things I have no business talking about much less writing about.
In high school my I have him on a pedestal English teacher handed me back a paper covered with more red than I care to admit. I remember standing there with sweat running down my back, embarrassed that I would ever get anything but a stellar grade from said idolized teacher. He wrote clearly at the top of the paper WRITE WHAT YOU KNOW. That day. That day I stopped trying to be someone I was never meant to be.
Today still I write what I know. I don’t write about theology. I don’t write about pet-breeding. I don’t write about dating. I don’t write about leadership. I don’t write about teaching. I don’t write about decorating. I don’t write about breastfeeding. I don’t write about my teenagers (they can tell their own stories) But I do write.
I write stories. My stories. Stories of pain. Stories of fear. Stories of adoption. Stories of redemption. Stories of marriage. Stories of struggle. Stories of addiction. Stories of abuse. Stories of depression. Stories of motherhood. Stories of brokenness. Stories of healing. Stories of doubt. Stories of anger. Stories of grace. Stories of ugliness. Stories of forgiveness. Stories of family. Stories of loss. Stories of God. Stories of truth.
I write what I know.
Here is where naysayers like to enter the scene. With concern or criticism it all sounds the same to me. It sounds like I need to stop writing. I need to stop writing what I know. I need to put down the pen and pretend I am someone else. I am sure some feel that I could write the light “Jesus loves you” post or “hang in there“ post with a cat hanging from a branch. I could even act as if I am smarter than I am and try to write about theology or leadership. But that is not who I am. My story. My story is who I am. I will never write to please or appease your image of who you think I am.
I am messy.
I am a story of brokenness.
I have lived through addictions.
I am a survivor of abuse.
I have had grace poured over me.
I have seen and been ugliness.
I am my story.
And my story is what I write.