I spent my 20s and 30s in denial.  I was lying to myself about how bad my marriage really was.  I didn’t want to see the truth, because I was scared of what it would mean…scared of losing the sweet little life that I had crafted for myself.

But somewhere along the way, my heart began to shift.  I became, thankfully, so uncomfortable in that life that I knew something had to change.

Muriel Rukeyser magnificently sums it up: “What would happen if one woman told the truth about her life? The world would split open.”

And that, my friend, is exactly what happened.  My world, as I knew it, split open, burned down and basically vanished.  I do not even recognize the girl I used to be or the life I used to lead, and I’m just now discovering the woman that I am.

And all of this has happened through the catharsis of writing.  I have written journals, letters, emails, blogs, articles, and books.  I have spilled my emotional insides out on the page, some for only God to see.  Some, although shockingly honest, for the world.

And here’s why. Because I’m done hiding.  Because keeping the truth tamped down is in my rearview mirror.  Because the truth does a lot of things but one of the best is it sets us free.

I will never go back to the girl who kept all her secrets so that no one would ever know/find out/judge/accuse/shame.  That girl is gone.

From this point on, I will only live, speak and write the truth.  And frankly, I hope my world splits open again and again.

 

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